1 00:01:03,574 --> 00:01:05,742 All right, we got you in. 2 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:08,328 Good morning. 3 00:01:08,370 --> 00:01:09,454 Morning, Colonel. 4 00:01:09,496 --> 00:01:11,498 Flight Lieutenants Ritchie and Donner. 5 00:01:11,498 --> 00:01:12,833 Hi. 6 00:01:12,875 --> 00:01:13,834 They've been checked out, sir. 7 00:01:13,876 --> 00:01:14,877 Good morning, sir. 8 00:01:14,918 --> 00:01:16,044 Shot down near Dusseldorf. 9 00:01:16,086 --> 00:01:18,213 Came in through the emergency tunnel last night. 10 00:01:18,255 --> 00:01:19,506 We were flying reconnaissance. 11 00:01:19,548 --> 00:01:20,883 Caught a bit of flak, I'm afraid. 12 00:01:20,924 --> 00:01:23,177 Knocked us for six, so we scarpered. 13 00:01:23,177 --> 00:01:25,888 Scarper... translation: they bailed out. 14 00:01:25,929 --> 00:01:27,764 Thanks. Coffee? 15 00:01:27,806 --> 00:01:29,349 Sit down. Thank you. 16 00:01:29,391 --> 00:01:31,351 Well, the Germans might have seen your parachutes, 17 00:01:31,393 --> 00:01:32,436 so they'll be looking for you. 18 00:01:32,477 --> 00:01:34,104 We'll keep you here until the heat's off, huh? 19 00:01:34,146 --> 00:01:37,107 We heard you chaps were expert in the escape business. 20 00:01:37,149 --> 00:01:38,358 We have our moments. 21 00:01:38,358 --> 00:01:40,360 We're rather anxious to get back to base, 22 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:41,862 even if it means a bit of risk. 23 00:01:41,904 --> 00:01:44,781 Right. Our squadron plays the Royal Engineers next week. 24 00:01:44,823 --> 00:01:45,741 Hate to miss that. 25 00:01:45,782 --> 00:01:48,827 You want to get home for a ruddy cricket match? 26 00:01:48,869 --> 00:01:50,078 Fascinating. 27 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:51,371 There'll always be an England. 28 00:01:53,498 --> 00:01:55,042 Into the barracks, everybody. 29 00:01:55,042 --> 00:01:56,043 Into the barracks. 30 00:01:56,084 --> 00:01:57,169 Schnell, schnell, schnell, schnell! 31 00:01:57,211 --> 00:01:58,295 Hey, watch it, watch it. 32 00:01:58,337 --> 00:01:59,880 Goon's coming. 33 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,048 Come on! 34 00:02:03,509 --> 00:02:04,343 Into the barracks, 35 00:02:04,384 --> 00:02:05,135 I said raus, raus... 36 00:02:05,177 --> 00:02:06,386 Rrr-rrr... 37 00:02:06,386 --> 00:02:07,554 You, too! 38 00:02:07,554 --> 00:02:09,014 Raus, raus, raus, raus! 39 00:02:09,056 --> 00:02:11,892 Everybody into the barracks until further notice. 40 00:02:11,892 --> 00:02:13,101 Schultz, what's going on? 41 00:02:13,143 --> 00:02:14,811 I know nothing. 42 00:02:14,853 --> 00:02:16,396 Nothing. 43 00:02:16,438 --> 00:02:19,358 Some Kraut colonel just came into camp. 44 00:02:19,399 --> 00:02:20,692 Oh, you are so ignorant. 45 00:02:20,734 --> 00:02:23,237 Colonel... it's a general. 46 00:02:23,278 --> 00:02:25,906 General Von Kaplow. 47 00:02:25,906 --> 00:02:28,909 I know nothing, nothing! 48 00:02:28,909 --> 00:02:30,702 Schultz, Schultz! What's he doing here? 49 00:02:30,744 --> 00:02:32,246 You would like to know, wouldn't you? 50 00:02:32,246 --> 00:02:37,543 Even if I know what the General has chained to his wrist, 51 00:02:37,584 --> 00:02:39,461 I wouldn't tell you, and you know why? 52 00:02:39,503 --> 00:02:40,712 Because... 53 00:02:40,754 --> 00:02:43,882 I know nothing! Nothing! 54 00:02:43,924 --> 00:02:45,425 Jolly jokers. 55 00:02:48,762 --> 00:02:51,765 A Wehrmacht General with a briefcase. 56 00:02:51,765 --> 00:02:52,766 Now, why would he stop here? 57 00:02:52,808 --> 00:02:55,060 Carrying secrets, maybe? 58 00:02:55,102 --> 00:02:56,895 Could be. 59 00:02:56,937 --> 00:02:58,814 I think I'd better go find out from Klink. 60 00:02:58,856 --> 00:03:00,983 How are you going to do that, Colonel? 61 00:03:01,024 --> 00:03:03,735 Lebeau, get out your very best recipes. 62 00:03:03,777 --> 00:03:05,445 They say the way to a man's big mouth 63 00:03:05,445 --> 00:03:06,613 is through his stomach. 64 00:03:18,667 --> 00:03:23,338 We shall do everything to make you comfortable, Herr General. 65 00:03:23,380 --> 00:03:24,882 That's very kind of you, Colonel Quink. 66 00:03:24,923 --> 00:03:26,925 Klink. 67 00:03:26,967 --> 00:03:29,303 I'll try to remember that. 68 00:03:29,303 --> 00:03:30,888 Comfort is important, 69 00:03:30,929 --> 00:03:34,308 but I have chosen to stay here for security reasons. 70 00:03:34,349 --> 00:03:37,186 Oh, my dear General, this is Stalag 13. 71 00:03:37,227 --> 00:03:40,272 You need have no worries about security. 72 00:03:40,314 --> 00:03:42,316 I always worry. 73 00:03:42,316 --> 00:03:46,570 That's why I am a general and you are a colonel. 74 00:03:46,612 --> 00:03:47,946 Ha, that's good. 75 00:03:47,988 --> 00:03:49,198 I must remember that. 76 00:03:52,743 --> 00:03:53,911 Hi, honey. 77 00:03:53,952 --> 00:03:56,455 What's the General doing in there with Klink? 78 00:03:56,496 --> 00:03:57,706 The only reason you kiss me 79 00:03:57,748 --> 00:03:59,124 is to get information from me. 80 00:03:59,166 --> 00:04:00,667 Come on, honey, that's not true. 81 00:04:00,709 --> 00:04:01,960 There are other reasons. 82 00:04:02,002 --> 00:04:03,879 For openers, I'm a man, and you're a woman. 83 00:04:03,921 --> 00:04:05,339 Mmm. 84 00:04:05,380 --> 00:04:06,757 That's about all I remember from those training films. 85 00:04:06,798 --> 00:04:08,342 What about the General? 86 00:04:08,383 --> 00:04:11,178 The only thing I know is that he pinched me. 87 00:04:11,220 --> 00:04:12,513 At least we know what he likes. 88 00:04:15,557 --> 00:04:17,601 Easy boy, down now. 89 00:04:17,643 --> 00:04:21,480 Sir, Colonel Hogan, Senior POW officer reporting. 90 00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:22,856 How dare you! 91 00:04:22,856 --> 00:04:23,857 Oh, I'm sorry. 92 00:04:23,857 --> 00:04:24,858 I didn't know you had company, sir. 93 00:04:24,858 --> 00:04:26,485 How dare you break into my office? 94 00:04:26,527 --> 00:04:27,945 You were confined to quarters. 95 00:04:27,986 --> 00:04:29,029 Well, you see, sir, I was... 96 00:04:29,071 --> 00:04:30,030 Out! 97 00:04:30,030 --> 00:04:31,448 You will be punished for this. 98 00:04:31,490 --> 00:04:33,534 Herr General, I must apologize for this rudeness. 99 00:04:33,575 --> 00:04:35,744 Out! Wait. 100 00:04:35,786 --> 00:04:38,038 What is the problem? 101 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:41,917 Uh, sir, you see, today is one of our national holidays, 102 00:04:42,042 --> 00:04:44,044 Repeal of Prohibition. 103 00:04:44,086 --> 00:04:46,213 The fellows were preparing a gourmet dinner, 104 00:04:46,255 --> 00:04:49,049 and they asked me to invite our lovable commandant 105 00:04:49,091 --> 00:04:50,676 to join in the festivities. 106 00:04:50,717 --> 00:04:51,885 Colonel Hogan, you know 107 00:04:51,927 --> 00:04:54,054 I never fraternize with the prisoners. 108 00:04:54,054 --> 00:04:54,847 Out! 109 00:04:54,888 --> 00:04:56,723 Just a moment. 110 00:04:56,765 --> 00:04:58,475 Just a moment. 111 00:04:58,517 --> 00:05:01,395 A gourmet dinner in a POW camp. 112 00:05:01,436 --> 00:05:02,855 It might be amusing. 113 00:05:02,896 --> 00:05:04,231 It might be amusing. 114 00:05:04,231 --> 00:05:07,442 We would be honored if the General would join us, too. 115 00:05:07,484 --> 00:05:09,403 Very well, I accept. 116 00:05:09,444 --> 00:05:10,571 Very well. He accepts. 117 00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:11,446 All right, fine. 118 00:05:11,488 --> 00:05:12,239 Shall we say 7:30? 119 00:05:12,281 --> 00:05:13,323 7:30. 120 00:05:13,365 --> 00:05:14,283 7:30. 121 00:05:14,324 --> 00:05:14,783 In your quarters? In my quarters? 122 00:05:14,825 --> 00:05:16,034 Why not? 123 00:05:16,076 --> 00:05:17,578 Why not? 124 00:05:17,619 --> 00:05:18,912 All right, come as you are. 125 00:05:18,912 --> 00:05:20,372 We're terribly informal here. 126 00:05:20,414 --> 00:05:21,832 General... Colonel. 127 00:05:32,259 --> 00:05:34,803 Excellent... excellent. 128 00:05:34,845 --> 00:05:37,806 Mmm, very delicate flavor. 129 00:05:37,890 --> 00:05:39,850 I am so pleased you are enjoying that, General. 130 00:05:39,892 --> 00:05:43,937 We are not totally uncivilized here at Stalag 13. 131 00:05:43,979 --> 00:05:45,522 Schultz, you want to lick the pot? 132 00:05:45,939 --> 00:05:47,274 Yes. 133 00:05:49,276 --> 00:05:51,403 Mmm! 134 00:05:51,612 --> 00:05:53,447 Das schmecht gut. 135 00:05:53,488 --> 00:05:54,948 You're a better cook than my wife. 136 00:05:54,990 --> 00:05:56,408 Merci. 137 00:05:56,450 --> 00:05:58,285 You're also better-looking. 138 00:06:01,872 --> 00:06:03,123 More wine, my dear? 139 00:06:03,123 --> 00:06:04,625 More wine for the General. 140 00:06:04,666 --> 00:06:06,126 More wine for the General. 141 00:06:06,168 --> 00:06:08,170 More wine for the General. 142 00:06:14,885 --> 00:06:17,221 Oh, I beg... Clumsy oaf! 143 00:06:17,262 --> 00:06:18,305 Dummkopf! 144 00:06:18,305 --> 00:06:19,681 Oh, well, accidents will happen. 145 00:06:19,723 --> 00:06:20,807 Just take a moment to clean up. 146 00:06:20,849 --> 00:06:23,143 Make sure you pick up every bit of glass. 147 00:06:23,143 --> 00:06:24,144 Yes, sir. 148 00:06:26,980 --> 00:06:29,983 Oh, good help is so hard to get these days. 149 00:06:30,025 --> 00:06:31,527 Good help? 150 00:06:31,568 --> 00:06:33,820 Oh, you see, Herr General, 151 00:06:33,820 --> 00:06:36,907 he is a prisoner who has to be here anyway. 152 00:06:36,949 --> 00:06:38,825 So, he refers to him as... 153 00:06:38,825 --> 00:06:40,661 That's very humorous. 154 00:06:40,702 --> 00:06:44,665 Ja, very humorous. 155 00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,792 You know, this is really delicious. 156 00:06:46,834 --> 00:06:47,584 I once had a meal 157 00:06:47,626 --> 00:06:48,836 at Stalag 9. 158 00:06:48,836 --> 00:06:50,003 It was dreadful 159 00:06:50,003 --> 00:06:51,004 compared to this. 160 00:06:51,046 --> 00:06:52,172 Really? 161 00:06:52,214 --> 00:06:54,633 I believe that the prisoners ate better 162 00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:56,677 than the Commandant and his officers. 163 00:06:56,677 --> 00:07:00,639 Colonel Hogan, if you had not been captured, 164 00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:02,182 what would you be doing right now? 165 00:07:02,224 --> 00:07:06,061 Oh, probably bombing your headquarters. 166 00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:10,399 And if you should escape? 167 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,860 I can assure you, he won't. 168 00:07:12,860 --> 00:07:16,780 As an officer, it is his duty to try. 169 00:07:16,822 --> 00:07:18,949 Also keeps me out of trouble. 170 00:07:18,991 --> 00:07:20,409 I got most of it, sir. 171 00:07:20,450 --> 00:07:22,870 I just need a dustpan to finish up. 172 00:07:22,870 --> 00:07:24,872 So... a fine meal 173 00:07:24,913 --> 00:07:26,623 and good company. 174 00:07:26,665 --> 00:07:27,708 Thank you. 175 00:07:27,749 --> 00:07:30,961 So, shall we adjourn to the living room? 176 00:07:31,003 --> 00:07:32,171 To round out a perfect evening, 177 00:07:32,212 --> 00:07:33,964 I was hoping that the Commandant would favor us 178 00:07:34,006 --> 00:07:34,882 with a bit of music. 179 00:07:34,923 --> 00:07:37,843 Oh, yes, a violin solo, Herr Commandant. 180 00:07:37,885 --> 00:07:39,553 Ah, you're a musician? 181 00:07:39,553 --> 00:07:42,931 Well... in a small way. 182 00:07:42,973 --> 00:07:44,266 Oh, he's so modest. 183 00:07:44,308 --> 00:07:46,810 Behind his back the men call him Papa Heifetz. 184 00:07:46,852 --> 00:07:47,853 They do? 185 00:07:47,895 --> 00:07:50,063 Amongst other things. 186 00:07:50,063 --> 00:07:51,815 Oh, do play for us. 187 00:07:51,857 --> 00:07:53,108 Just one number? 188 00:07:53,150 --> 00:07:56,403 Oh, really, I'm not prepared. 189 00:07:56,445 --> 00:07:57,487 Well, if he can't, he can't. 190 00:07:57,529 --> 00:07:58,447 If you insist. 191 00:07:58,488 --> 00:07:59,573 He can. He can! 192 00:07:59,573 --> 00:08:04,536 You won't believe what he does to a violin. 193 00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:28,936 What's that noise? 194 00:08:28,936 --> 00:08:31,271 Somebody is strangling a cat. 195 00:08:31,313 --> 00:08:33,524 It's our beloved Commandant. 196 00:08:33,565 --> 00:08:35,317 He's having a go at the violin. 197 00:08:35,359 --> 00:08:37,027 You'd better get in there and listen. 198 00:08:37,069 --> 00:08:38,737 Old Klink would love that. 199 00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:39,696 You think so? 200 00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:41,615 Oh, you'd probably get an extra day's leave. 201 00:08:41,657 --> 00:08:42,950 Oh, I could start right now. 202 00:08:48,747 --> 00:08:50,374 Go... 203 00:08:50,999 --> 00:08:54,211 lights... camera... flash! 204 00:08:54,253 --> 00:08:57,297 Un, deux, trois... 205 00:09:05,597 --> 00:09:07,641 Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, Colonel. 206 00:09:07,641 --> 00:09:09,142 Thank you. Now shall we... 207 00:09:09,142 --> 00:09:11,478 Do you know "Melancholy Baby?" 208 00:09:11,478 --> 00:09:13,355 Is that Mozart by any chance? 209 00:09:13,397 --> 00:09:16,149 No chance at all. 210 00:09:16,149 --> 00:09:18,819 Oh... well, I have another little number 211 00:09:18,861 --> 00:09:20,028 that is very well received. 212 00:09:20,070 --> 00:09:21,029 Good, good. 213 00:09:49,683 --> 00:09:52,186 General leave for Berlin yet, Colonel? 214 00:09:52,227 --> 00:09:56,523 Yeah, and I wish he had taken Klink's fiddle with him. 215 00:09:56,565 --> 00:09:59,193 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold it. 216 00:09:59,193 --> 00:10:02,029 These are the battle plans of the Fourth Army Group. 217 00:10:02,070 --> 00:10:06,200 Attack plan, reserve strength, air support, 218 00:10:06,241 --> 00:10:07,993 intelligence reports... 219 00:10:08,035 --> 00:10:10,495 Hey, we've got to get this stuff to London, but fast. 220 00:10:10,537 --> 00:10:13,415 Hey, Colonel, send them out with our two RAF cricketers. 221 00:10:13,457 --> 00:10:15,042 Sure, use the emergency tunnel. 222 00:10:15,042 --> 00:10:18,170 No, there's too much German activity near the exit. 223 00:10:18,212 --> 00:10:20,380 What would make the Germans loosen up? 224 00:10:20,422 --> 00:10:22,591 Four or five well-placed hand grenades. 225 00:10:22,633 --> 00:10:24,843 Look, they're winning. 226 00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:27,638 What if they thought they were losing? 227 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:29,264 Now, how do you manage that? 228 00:10:29,306 --> 00:10:31,725 This will take real organization. 229 00:10:31,725 --> 00:10:36,063 Newkirk, I need two Wehrmacht uniforms for the RAF men. 230 00:10:36,104 --> 00:10:37,397 Right, sir, I'll get their measurements. 231 00:10:37,397 --> 00:10:39,399 Carter, what are the boys in the metal shop working on? 232 00:10:39,441 --> 00:10:40,567 Reversible tie pins. 233 00:10:40,567 --> 00:10:42,402 On one side it says "Heil Hitler." 234 00:10:42,402 --> 00:10:45,239 On the other, "I was in Switzerland during the war." 235 00:10:45,239 --> 00:10:46,907 Put a hold on the tie pins. 236 00:10:46,949 --> 00:10:48,909 I want them to make a dummy movie camera, 237 00:10:48,951 --> 00:10:49,660 realistic as possible. 238 00:10:50,077 --> 00:10:51,620 Okay. 239 00:10:51,662 --> 00:10:54,706 All right, look, we go to work on the goons tomorrow. 240 00:10:54,748 --> 00:10:55,999 We're selling an idea, 241 00:10:56,041 --> 00:10:59,419 so we've got to attack them at their weakest point. 242 00:10:59,419 --> 00:11:00,796 Schultz! 243 00:11:00,838 --> 00:11:01,880 Who else? 244 00:11:03,882 --> 00:11:04,341 Here he comes! 245 00:11:08,345 --> 00:11:09,805 All right, gentlemen. 246 00:11:09,847 --> 00:11:10,764 Now the first thing is, 247 00:11:10,806 --> 00:11:12,057 I don't want you to be discouraged 248 00:11:12,099 --> 00:11:13,600 by the complexity of the Russian language. 249 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,269 What I want you to do 250 00:11:15,269 --> 00:11:17,229 is learn a few essential words. 251 00:11:17,271 --> 00:11:19,356 Now... the first word we're going to learn 252 00:11:19,398 --> 00:11:21,775 is tovarich, which means friend. 253 00:11:21,775 --> 00:11:24,611 It's an obvious way to greet someone. 254 00:11:24,611 --> 00:11:26,905 Okay, now let me hear you repeat it. 255 00:11:26,947 --> 00:11:28,907 Tovarich. 256 00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:30,284 Very good. 257 00:11:30,284 --> 00:11:31,285 Oh, hi, Schultz. Come on in. 258 00:11:31,285 --> 00:11:32,244 Hello. Now... 259 00:11:32,286 --> 00:11:34,329 What-what-what- what are you doing? 260 00:11:34,371 --> 00:11:35,747 We're learning a little Russian. 261 00:11:35,789 --> 00:11:36,915 Good-bye. 262 00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:38,167 Schultz, what's your hurry? 263 00:11:38,208 --> 00:11:39,960 It wouldn't hurt you to learn a little Russian, you know. 264 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,545 What for? 265 00:11:41,587 --> 00:11:44,317 Well, I mean, suppose they liberate 266 00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,758 Stalag 13 before the Americans. 267 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,178 Th-they are coming? 268 00:11:49,219 --> 00:11:51,430 Could be. Good-bye. 269 00:11:51,471 --> 00:11:53,140 All right... Who told you? 270 00:11:53,182 --> 00:11:57,060 Oh, that's a professional secret. I'm sorry. 271 00:11:57,102 --> 00:11:59,813 Aha! You have a radio hidden. 272 00:11:59,855 --> 00:12:03,066 You were listening to a broadcast. 273 00:12:03,108 --> 00:12:05,235 You know it is verboten. 274 00:12:05,277 --> 00:12:09,323 If the Commandant finds out, you all go to the cooler. 275 00:12:09,364 --> 00:12:10,324 What did the radio say, tell me? 276 00:12:10,365 --> 00:12:13,660 The Allies are winning on all fronts. 277 00:12:13,702 --> 00:12:15,078 Hamburg is in ruins. 278 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,498 Berlin is a shambles. 279 00:12:17,539 --> 00:12:22,794 Oh, boy, no matter what we do, we can't win a war. 280 00:12:24,838 --> 00:12:26,423 All right... 281 00:12:26,465 --> 00:12:31,261 now, the next two words are "da" and "nyet" 282 00:12:31,303 --> 00:12:33,222 meaning "yes" and "no." 283 00:12:33,263 --> 00:12:37,851 Now, let me hear you say "yes" and "no" in Russian. 284 00:12:37,851 --> 00:12:39,561 Da... nyet... 285 00:12:39,603 --> 00:12:44,149 Da. Nyet. Da. Nyet. 286 00:12:44,191 --> 00:12:46,860 Da. Nyet. 287 00:12:46,902 --> 00:12:49,905 Da. Nyet. Da... 288 00:12:49,947 --> 00:12:55,452 We the undersigned, POWs of Stalag 13, 289 00:12:55,494 --> 00:12:58,789 certify that Sergeant Schultz 290 00:12:58,831 --> 00:13:04,962 has been a humane and considerate guard of this camp. 291 00:13:05,003 --> 00:13:08,966 We ask that he be treated accordingly 292 00:13:09,007 --> 00:13:12,261 when the Allies occupy Stalag 13. 293 00:13:13,971 --> 00:13:15,597 Type that up and have everybody sign it. 294 00:13:15,639 --> 00:13:17,766 Will do. 295 00:13:17,808 --> 00:13:19,017 Schultz, you like that? 296 00:13:19,142 --> 00:13:22,563 Beautiful, tovarich. 297 00:13:22,604 --> 00:13:24,815 I could cry. 298 00:13:24,857 --> 00:13:27,401 Berlin is in ruins, and Hamburg is a shambles, 299 00:13:27,442 --> 00:13:30,779 and the Russians are going to liberate the camp any minute. 300 00:13:30,821 --> 00:13:32,072 How do you know all this? 301 00:13:32,197 --> 00:13:33,240 I know nothing, nothing. 302 00:13:33,282 --> 00:13:34,408 If you know nothing, 303 00:13:34,408 --> 00:13:36,702 where did you get this information? 304 00:13:36,743 --> 00:13:39,246 Once in a while, I know something. 305 00:13:39,288 --> 00:13:40,497 I see. 306 00:13:40,539 --> 00:13:42,416 The letter, please? 307 00:13:42,457 --> 00:13:45,085 Letter? 308 00:13:45,252 --> 00:13:47,087 I have no letter. 309 00:13:47,087 --> 00:13:49,381 I swear, Herr Commandant. 310 00:13:49,423 --> 00:13:51,091 I... have a letter. 311 00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:54,344 All wrapped up in this neat little package. 312 00:13:54,386 --> 00:13:56,972 I need a few more signatures. 313 00:13:57,014 --> 00:13:59,766 This is a terrible thing you're doing, Schultz. 314 00:13:59,808 --> 00:14:01,727 You're a traitor to your country. 315 00:14:01,768 --> 00:14:03,729 You're a traitor to your uniform, 316 00:14:03,770 --> 00:14:05,397 and to my command. 317 00:14:05,439 --> 00:14:07,274 Yes, Herr Commandant. 318 00:14:07,274 --> 00:14:08,901 Dismissed! 319 00:14:10,694 --> 00:14:12,946 Would you like me to get you one of these? 320 00:14:12,988 --> 00:14:15,115 Get out of here! 321 00:14:19,036 --> 00:14:21,830 This is Radio Berlin. 322 00:14:21,872 --> 00:14:24,875 We interrupt our daily music for a special announcement 323 00:14:24,917 --> 00:14:26,376 from Supreme Headquarters. 324 00:14:26,418 --> 00:14:29,796 Our beloved Fuhrer will address the German nation 325 00:14:29,838 --> 00:14:32,799 on a matter of the highest importance 326 00:14:32,799 --> 00:14:34,843 this evening at 2100 hours. 327 00:14:34,885 --> 00:14:37,471 It is hoped that all Germans will listen 328 00:14:37,513 --> 00:14:39,348 to this special broadcast... 329 00:14:39,389 --> 00:14:41,683 or else. 330 00:14:41,725 --> 00:14:44,895 So you are organizing a Stalag 13 orchestra, huh? 331 00:14:44,937 --> 00:14:48,148 Yes, sir. The Red Cross supplied the instruments. 332 00:14:48,190 --> 00:14:50,817 Love to have you as first violinist, sir. 333 00:14:50,859 --> 00:14:52,152 Well, I don't know, I... 334 00:14:52,194 --> 00:14:54,029 I mean, the men are insisting, sir. 335 00:14:54,071 --> 00:14:55,113 I'm flattered. 336 00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:56,114 I mean, of course, 337 00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:57,866 we'd love to have you as soloist, 338 00:14:57,908 --> 00:14:59,952 especially at our first concert. 339 00:14:59,993 --> 00:15:01,328 Let me think it over. 340 00:15:01,370 --> 00:15:03,080 I mean, nothing elaborate. 341 00:15:03,121 --> 00:15:04,873 Maybe four or five numbers 342 00:15:04,915 --> 00:15:07,501 ending with "Stars and Stripes Forever." 343 00:15:07,543 --> 00:15:09,336 That's an unusual request. 344 00:15:09,336 --> 00:15:11,713 Oh, it's almost time for the Fuhrer's speech. 345 00:15:11,755 --> 00:15:14,675 You may stay and listen to it, Colonel Hogan, if you wish. 346 00:15:14,716 --> 00:15:16,218 Thank you, sir. 347 00:15:16,260 --> 00:15:19,429 I, uh... wouldn't want to miss this. 348 00:15:19,471 --> 00:15:25,269 And now, here is our beloved Fuhrer, Adolf Hitler, himself! 349 00:15:27,521 --> 00:15:32,734 Germans everywhere, guten Abend. 350 00:15:32,776 --> 00:15:39,157 Your Fuhrer speaks to you tonight live from Berlin. 351 00:15:42,035 --> 00:15:44,621 I'm happy to report that the war 352 00:15:44,663 --> 00:15:49,376 against the enemies of our beloved Third Reich goes well. 353 00:15:51,503 --> 00:15:55,632 It is possible that you've heard rumors 354 00:15:55,674 --> 00:16:01,388 that Berlin is in ruins, Hamburg is a shambles and so on. 355 00:16:01,388 --> 00:16:07,686 I order you not to believe these things even if they are true. 356 00:16:07,728 --> 00:16:09,980 We are winning. 357 00:16:10,022 --> 00:16:13,775 Always winning against the enemy. 358 00:16:13,817 --> 00:16:16,069 Yet, at the present time, 359 00:16:16,111 --> 00:16:19,281 certain negotiations are under way 360 00:16:19,323 --> 00:16:24,495 which will come as a great surprise to the Fatherland, 361 00:16:24,536 --> 00:16:30,000 but no matter what happens, we will all be together. 362 00:16:32,628 --> 00:16:36,507 In conclusion, I say, 363 00:16:36,548 --> 00:16:39,927 tighten your belts, 364 00:16:39,968 --> 00:16:42,387 work hard, 365 00:16:42,429 --> 00:16:45,557 fight dirty, 366 00:16:45,599 --> 00:16:49,770 and no matter what happens 367 00:16:49,770 --> 00:16:52,523 keep smiling. 368 00:16:52,564 --> 00:16:54,316 Keep smiling? 369 00:16:54,358 --> 00:16:57,611 He tells us to keep smiling. 370 00:17:00,113 --> 00:17:03,617 Uh, Colonel, about our orchestra? 371 00:17:03,617 --> 00:17:05,035 Not now. Not now. 372 00:17:05,077 --> 00:17:06,620 We are winning the war. 373 00:17:06,620 --> 00:17:08,622 But negotiations have started. 374 00:17:08,664 --> 00:17:10,374 Oh, don't worry about it. 375 00:17:10,415 --> 00:17:11,542 Hitler's like everybody else. 376 00:17:11,583 --> 00:17:12,626 He has his moods. 377 00:17:12,668 --> 00:17:13,794 Of course. 378 00:17:13,794 --> 00:17:15,629 Probably had one of his temper tantrums this morning. 379 00:17:15,629 --> 00:17:18,966 Yes, perhaps he had a bad day at Berchtesgaden. 380 00:17:19,007 --> 00:17:20,592 But you can never tell. 381 00:17:20,634 --> 00:17:21,927 What do you mean? 382 00:17:21,969 --> 00:17:24,137 Well, I mean, you go along 383 00:17:24,137 --> 00:17:26,974 running the toughest camp in Germany 384 00:17:27,015 --> 00:17:29,643 and suddenly one day you look out 385 00:17:29,643 --> 00:17:32,646 and through the gate comes a Sherman tank 386 00:17:32,646 --> 00:17:37,317 with its peashooter pointed right at your monocle. 387 00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:38,443 What? 388 00:17:38,485 --> 00:17:40,195 Yeah, yeah. 389 00:17:40,237 --> 00:17:43,657 And then out steps a second lieutenant, 390 00:17:43,657 --> 00:17:46,201 "19 years old, 6'4" 391 00:17:46,243 --> 00:17:49,246 a high school senior from Wichita, Kansas. 392 00:17:49,288 --> 00:17:50,956 And he says, 393 00:17:50,998 --> 00:17:54,334 "Sir, you are my prisoner!" 394 00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:56,003 Very correct, 395 00:17:56,003 --> 00:17:59,464 and if you move, he shoots you. 396 00:18:01,633 --> 00:18:05,095 Colonel, I'm going to play in your orchestra. 397 00:18:05,137 --> 00:18:06,847 Thank you, sir. 398 00:18:06,889 --> 00:18:09,516 You are sitting in my chair! 399 00:18:09,516 --> 00:18:11,977 Sorry. I got carried away. 400 00:18:12,019 --> 00:18:15,689 I'd get rid of that German helmet if I were you. 401 00:18:15,689 --> 00:18:18,567 It's got that "Hun" feeling about it. 402 00:18:18,609 --> 00:18:20,652 And you don't have to worry 403 00:18:20,694 --> 00:18:23,113 about going to the Russian front. 404 00:18:23,155 --> 00:18:25,657 The Russian front's coming here. 405 00:18:30,579 --> 00:18:32,915 Did we convince Klink that he's losing the war, Colonel? 406 00:18:32,956 --> 00:18:34,374 All I can tell you is 407 00:18:34,374 --> 00:18:36,210 he's practicing his surrender speech right now. 408 00:18:36,251 --> 00:18:37,294 Let's go over your routine. 409 00:18:37,336 --> 00:18:38,545 Right you are. 410 00:18:38,545 --> 00:18:41,632 We are a photographic unit 411 00:18:41,673 --> 00:18:44,218 with orders to shoot pictures of Stalag 13 412 00:18:44,218 --> 00:18:45,177 for our military archives. 413 00:18:45,219 --> 00:18:47,179 Right-o. 414 00:18:47,221 --> 00:18:50,140 Our car broke down a few miles from here, 415 00:18:50,182 --> 00:18:51,600 and we have come along on foot. 416 00:18:51,642 --> 00:18:53,685 Now, you go through the motions, take the film, 417 00:18:53,727 --> 00:18:54,895 then tell them you need a car 418 00:18:54,937 --> 00:18:56,688 to get back to your headquarters, right? 419 00:18:56,730 --> 00:18:57,814 - Colonel. - Oh, Kinch. 420 00:18:57,856 --> 00:18:59,566 London just confirmed the plan. 421 00:18:59,566 --> 00:19:01,777 They'll be picked up by our sub tonight. 422 00:19:01,818 --> 00:19:03,737 Great, great. Stand by the radio. 423 00:19:03,737 --> 00:19:05,280 All right, gentlemen, look, 424 00:19:05,322 --> 00:19:08,158 you're going to take out the documents as negatives 425 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:09,326 inside this camera. 426 00:19:09,368 --> 00:19:11,870 But I say, what if we're caught 427 00:19:11,912 --> 00:19:13,997 and Jada gets the camera? 428 00:19:14,039 --> 00:19:16,416 Anybody tries to open the magazine 429 00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:19,461 without first pushing the safety... kaboom! 430 00:19:19,503 --> 00:19:21,046 I see. Understood, sir. 431 00:19:21,088 --> 00:19:23,632 Okay. Now, go out the door casually and go about your work. 432 00:19:23,674 --> 00:19:25,300 Right you are. 433 00:19:25,342 --> 00:19:26,593 Heil Hitler. 434 00:19:26,885 --> 00:19:28,178 Heil... heil. 435 00:19:30,472 --> 00:19:31,682 A film of Stalag 13? 436 00:19:31,723 --> 00:19:33,433 Those are the orders, Colonel. 437 00:19:33,433 --> 00:19:36,603 We are making pictures of all the prisoner of war camps 438 00:19:36,645 --> 00:19:37,855 for military archives. 439 00:19:37,896 --> 00:19:40,774 But I've heard nothing about this from headquarters. 440 00:19:40,816 --> 00:19:42,401 Well, that is understandable. 441 00:19:42,442 --> 00:19:45,195 Things are a little confused in Berlin these days. 442 00:19:45,237 --> 00:19:47,865 Please don't tell me any more. 443 00:19:47,906 --> 00:19:49,283 Yes, Hogan? 444 00:19:49,283 --> 00:19:51,160 I couldn't help overhearing, sir. 445 00:19:51,201 --> 00:19:53,162 This is a great break for you, sir. 446 00:19:53,203 --> 00:19:54,163 It is? 447 00:19:54,204 --> 00:19:56,790 Oh, sure, a movie of friendly Stalag 13, 448 00:19:56,790 --> 00:19:59,459 where never is heard a discouraging word. 449 00:19:59,501 --> 00:20:01,461 With lovable Commandant Klink. 450 00:20:01,503 --> 00:20:03,839 Forget that kid in the Sherman tank. 451 00:20:03,881 --> 00:20:04,840 Yes, yes, yes. 452 00:20:04,882 --> 00:20:06,842 This will be documentary proof 453 00:20:06,884 --> 00:20:10,637 that you've been a humane guardian of Allied prisoners. 454 00:20:10,679 --> 00:20:11,847 Excellent. 455 00:20:11,889 --> 00:20:13,640 That's an excellent idea. 456 00:20:15,309 --> 00:20:17,144 Gentlemen, you may proceed. 457 00:20:17,144 --> 00:20:19,980 You have my fullest cooperation. 458 00:20:19,980 --> 00:20:20,731 Jawohl, Herr Colonel. 459 00:20:31,325 --> 00:20:32,951 Thank you, Colonel Klink. 460 00:20:32,993 --> 00:20:34,244 That will be fine. 461 00:20:34,286 --> 00:20:36,205 Just a minute, just a minute. 462 00:20:36,246 --> 00:20:39,833 You haven't got a complete picture of Stalag 13 yet. 463 00:20:39,875 --> 00:20:42,294 Now, there is another side I want you to photograph. 464 00:20:42,336 --> 00:20:43,337 Just a moment. 465 00:20:56,016 --> 00:20:57,184 Cut. Very good. 466 00:20:57,226 --> 00:20:59,144 That was an excellent idea, Colonel. 467 00:20:59,186 --> 00:21:00,729 That's all we need, thank you. 468 00:21:00,812 --> 00:21:03,148 Just a moment, just a moment. 469 00:21:03,190 --> 00:21:05,442 This is only the beginning. 470 00:21:05,484 --> 00:21:08,737 Now, let us move the camera over there. 471 00:21:08,779 --> 00:21:10,364 Well, sir, don't overdo it. 472 00:21:10,405 --> 00:21:12,741 If you don't mind! 473 00:21:15,828 --> 00:21:17,120 A star is born. 474 00:21:19,414 --> 00:21:20,874 After you get this shot, 475 00:21:20,916 --> 00:21:23,210 tell the ham that you're out of film, 476 00:21:23,210 --> 00:21:25,379 you need a car, and get out of here. 477 00:21:25,420 --> 00:21:26,713 Right you are. Yes, sir. 478 00:21:26,713 --> 00:21:28,006 Oops. 479 00:21:28,048 --> 00:21:30,133 We got trouble. 480 00:21:30,175 --> 00:21:31,844 I say, do we make a run for it? 481 00:21:31,885 --> 00:21:32,886 Don't panic. 482 00:21:32,886 --> 00:21:34,388 Play this thing by ear. 483 00:21:34,388 --> 00:21:35,556 Get out of here. 484 00:21:35,556 --> 00:21:36,431 Right-o, sir. 485 00:21:44,898 --> 00:21:46,942 What an unexpected pleasure, Herr General. 486 00:21:46,984 --> 00:21:48,569 Just on my way back from Berlin. 487 00:21:48,610 --> 00:21:51,321 Couldn't wait to see my little friend, Fraulein Helga. 488 00:21:51,363 --> 00:21:54,575 I thought perhaps we could have one of your excellent dinners. 489 00:21:54,575 --> 00:21:57,536 Herr General, you have just returned from Berlin. 490 00:21:57,578 --> 00:22:00,330 Are things really as bad as they say they are? 491 00:22:00,372 --> 00:22:02,249 Things were never better. 492 00:22:02,249 --> 00:22:05,127 The Wilhelmstrasse is busy with the war, 493 00:22:05,169 --> 00:22:07,713 and we are celebrating victories on all fronts. 494 00:22:07,754 --> 00:22:09,882 But what about the rumors? The rumors! 495 00:22:09,923 --> 00:22:13,343 Without rumors, there would be no war. 496 00:22:13,385 --> 00:22:15,262 But the Fuhrer's speech last night. 497 00:22:15,262 --> 00:22:17,347 He hinted there might be negotiations. 498 00:22:17,389 --> 00:22:19,516 Perhaps it was a trial balloon. 499 00:22:19,558 --> 00:22:22,019 Hitler loves to confuse his enemies. 500 00:22:22,060 --> 00:22:24,271 Then we're not losing the war? 501 00:22:24,313 --> 00:22:25,480 Losing? 502 00:22:26,857 --> 00:22:30,861 I've already made a hotel reservation in London. 503 00:22:35,616 --> 00:22:37,242 Just a minute. 504 00:22:37,284 --> 00:22:39,119 There will be no more pictures taken here. 505 00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:40,496 I will personally destroy this film. 506 00:22:40,537 --> 00:22:41,747 Oh, wait. 507 00:22:41,788 --> 00:22:43,123 Good move. 508 00:22:43,123 --> 00:22:44,500 You know this is probably a trick 509 00:22:44,541 --> 00:22:45,918 by the Gestapo to test your loyalty. 510 00:22:45,959 --> 00:22:47,252 But why? 511 00:22:47,294 --> 00:22:48,295 They're jealous. 512 00:22:48,295 --> 00:22:49,755 You're too efficient. 513 00:22:49,796 --> 00:22:51,298 Here, let me take this for you. 514 00:22:57,179 --> 00:22:59,014 There, now... 515 00:22:59,056 --> 00:23:01,308 Here, take that. 516 00:23:01,308 --> 00:23:03,352 I'd get rid of these guys if I were you. 517 00:23:03,393 --> 00:23:04,436 Exactly. 518 00:23:04,478 --> 00:23:05,437 But fast. 519 00:23:05,479 --> 00:23:06,980 Captain, you and your assistant 520 00:23:07,022 --> 00:23:08,273 get out of here at once! 521 00:23:08,315 --> 00:23:10,400 But Colonel, our car broke down. 522 00:23:10,442 --> 00:23:13,028 Schultz, requisition a car and a driver from the motor pool 523 00:23:13,070 --> 00:23:14,696 and take the Captain and his assistant 524 00:23:14,738 --> 00:23:15,822 wherever they wish to go. 525 00:23:15,864 --> 00:23:16,990 Jawohl, Herr Commandant. 526 00:23:16,990 --> 00:23:18,659 Auf Wiedersehen, Colonel. 527 00:23:18,700 --> 00:23:19,785 Heil Hitler. 528 00:23:19,827 --> 00:23:20,953 Heil Hitler and get out. 529 00:23:22,913 --> 00:23:25,707 Imagine the nerve of these men coming here with that camera. 530 00:23:25,749 --> 00:23:28,001 Oh, you handled it masterfully, sir, masterfully. 531 00:23:28,043 --> 00:23:29,878 Thank you. 532 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:33,048 Colonel Hogan, I have decided not to play 533 00:23:33,090 --> 00:23:35,300 in your prisoners' orchestra. 534 00:23:35,342 --> 00:23:37,719 I may, however, do a solo 535 00:23:37,761 --> 00:23:40,347 over the loudspeaker system. 536 00:23:40,347 --> 00:23:41,557 Well, if I were you, 537 00:23:41,598 --> 00:23:43,684 I'd wait until the General leaves, sir. 538 00:23:43,725 --> 00:23:44,893 Why? 539 00:23:44,935 --> 00:23:48,689 I mean how would it look, a mass escape while he's here? 540 00:23:54,987 --> 00:23:57,823 Now, don't tell me you can't find my violin, Schultz. 541 00:23:57,865 --> 00:24:00,492 Herr Commandant, I was looking for it everywhere. 542 00:24:00,534 --> 00:24:02,995 You will search every inch of this camp again, 543 00:24:03,036 --> 00:24:05,080 and you will search it until you find it. 544 00:24:05,122 --> 00:24:06,790 Jawohl, Herr Commandant. 545 00:24:07,624 --> 00:24:08,959 Come in. 546 00:24:09,001 --> 00:24:10,377 You sent for me, Colonel? 547 00:24:10,377 --> 00:24:11,879 Yes. I'm missing my violin. 548 00:24:11,879 --> 00:24:13,046 Now, I want every... 549 00:24:13,046 --> 00:24:14,339 Not anymore, you're not. 550 00:24:14,381 --> 00:24:15,716 Why, thank you, Colonel. 551 00:24:15,757 --> 00:24:17,384 Where did you find it? 552 00:24:17,426 --> 00:24:19,052 Oh, it's a long story. 553 00:24:19,052 --> 00:24:22,389 I will personally put this under lock and key. 554 00:24:25,225 --> 00:24:27,436 Why did you have to find it? 555 00:24:27,477 --> 00:24:30,063 Now he's going to play it again. 556 00:24:30,063 --> 00:24:33,108 If he does, he'll have to blow into it.